joy comes in the mourning | the birth of baby #7
As I lay here in my perfect postpartum bubble with my fresh newborn, I can't help but to jot down all the feelings of this joyous event. Birth is always so special, each baby that I have is a different experience, a different setting, and a different emotion to go along with it. Baby boy number 7 was no exception. In the heat of August here in North Idaho, I was absolutely ready to be done with this pregnancy. The heat was starting to eat away at my soul, really pushing my patience tank to pretty much empty. My due date had come and gone, as it usually does and I was ready to greet my baby already. My midwife and I had a plan to try and start labor naturally by taking what is known as the “midwife brew” in hopes to have a not so overdue baby. Well, the Lord knew, as He always does, that my plans are not nearly as good as His and had a completely different way of doing things.
GRIEF IN A TIME OF JOY
The day before my due date, tragedy struck. One of my dearest friends unexpectedly passed away. She was a dear friend and made a huge impact not only in my life but in many lives within our community. The days after her death were a complete whirlwind. My husband, who is very close to her husband, spent most of his days with his friend helping where he could. After talking with my midwife, who was also very close to our friend, we both agreed to just let the baby come on his own in hopes that he would stay in until after the memorial service on Saturday. Grief in time of preparing for birth was such a challenge. I had never felt such sadness along with such anticipation and trying to prepare my body for such a sacred moment. The days leading up to her funeral, I cried out to the Lord that the baby would stay in until the funeral was over. I had much confidence since I typically always go at least 7 days overdue. The morning of the funeral was hectic. My husband left early to be with the family so I decided to get a jump on breakfast so I could get the kids out of the house on time. At 9:30am my water broke. And it wasn't just a trickle, it was like a fountain, like how they portray it in the movies. My first response was “NO!! This can't be happening today Lord!!” My midwife was headed to the funeral and I was still in such grief I wasn't ready to be in a mental state of giving birth. After some prayer and a good cry, my midwife reminded me that God’s plan was bigger, that I CAN do this, and that fear does not play a part in my birth story!
A QUICK CHANGE IN PLANS
Due to being up in the mountains, off grid and over an hour to the nearest hospital (in case there are any complications), I had planned to travel to my midwife's birth center, which is what I usually do. Well, this birth was different. Since my midwife was headed up to the funeral, she was already in my area and asked if I wanted to do it at home. Without hesitation, I said YES! Having home births are my absolute favorite and it seemed like a complete no brainer. Within a few hours my midwife was in my home, we were gathering last minute supplies together and contractions officially started.
THATS A BIG BOY!
Within 2 hours of active labor, I was ready to push! Not without a struggle. I kept thinking to myself…”why the heck am I not crowning even though I'm pushing!?” Little did I know that this boy was going to be the biggest baby that I've ever had the challenge of pushing out! It was almost like the contractions were not strong enough for me to let allow them to help push him out! With that in mind I went to work! I had to pull out my inner viking and get this baby out! After many hard and difficult pushes, he was finally crowning! My oldest daughter had her heart set on catching him, which I was so honored by! As she watched the head come out, I knew the next push would be enough and he would just fly right out! Ironically enough, he wouldn't! I kept pushing and yet he still wouldn't come out. After internally struggling quite a bit he finally came out with one loud scream…music to my ears!! The next words out of my midwife’s mouth was “That's a big boy!!!” One good look at him I knew he was over 10 pounds! He was a whopping 11 pounds 3 ounces, 23 inches long with a 15 in head circumference! PHEW! Talk about a big boy alright!
JOY COMES IN THE MOURNING
After the placenta had been delivered, and I was mostly cleaned up and had caught my breath, my midwife looked at me and said with such relief “Is it ok for me to cry now?” There was a sudden stillness and then the emotions came. My birth team and I sat there hugging each other and crying. We were crying for our dear friend Jenn. I could feel her presence at that moment and knew that the Lord chose this day, a day of such sorrow and sadness to bring joy into our hearts. My big baby boy was that joy. Our friend Jenn would have loved nothing more than to be there with us ladies greeting my baby boy. Even though that day was heavy and filled with sadness because of our loss, we gained such a huge blessing that day. Someone at the funeral said that it was almost like Jenn approached our King that day and asked for a favor; and I can absolutely see her doing that for me. “Weeping may endure for a night, but JOY comes in the morning” Psalm 30:5. My midwife brought this verse to my attention, and I'm so glad she did. His promises are yes and amen, and they definitely rang true for me that joyous day.